Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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