i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize