real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
