I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
