I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
