I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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