shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
