his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
