College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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