you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
