Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
