I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
