i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
