they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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