I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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