I need help removing her.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
