so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
