i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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