I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
