Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
