There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
smell my finger.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize