just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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