she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
