I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
