U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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