is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
