There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
