I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
