god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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