Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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