Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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