guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
