New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
