I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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