It's like a parade of train wrecks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
