I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
