Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
