Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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