I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
