i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
