Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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