She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
