That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
