i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
