The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize