What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
