Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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