Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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