I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
