Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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