I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
