As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
