I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
