she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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