Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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