you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
