Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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