I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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