wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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