One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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