dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
