lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
