pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize