I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
