It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
