I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
