i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
