I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
